June 2, 2014

Mom is gone: May 23 2014.  I can tell you many things now a week later, and one is: at the first sign of their decline start taking care of yourself. If you have a weak link, and we all do, shore that up immediately. Even though I knew she was going, and had lost her mentally 18 months ago, the shock of her not being in this world is tremendous. It’s good actually, and that will sound strange to many of you, and it’s another entirely long story but briefly, we did not have a healthy relationship. Many mothers and daughters do not, but mine was not good because of my parents’ divorce when I was 10. She latched on to me and made me her “companion” and lived my life. So now I am free. Free finally at last to have my own life and to devote my time to my husband. He has been amazing. All these years of putting up with my ties to her. It was a sick dance but I learned it at 10 from my teacher/mother and it was the only way I knew to live my life.

I find each day that I am still off kilter. The world as I knew it for 52 years has changed.