I go and see mom several times a week now. It used to be everyday, but now I get it...I can't keep my sanity and do that anymore. Today's visit was looking good: she was awake and alert at 2:40 PM and looked bright eyed. We had a few words of conversation and they seemed to even make sense. She was watching me hang up her freshly laundered clothes in the closet and asking if there were enough hangers. what? nice? rational thoughts.
Then it went down hill as it always does sooner or later. She started telling me all about what she had been doing and who was coming (the tax man). All of her tales were fabricated and I just went along with them. It's all she has.
I had to leave as we get in this indecisive place of no return and it just hurts too bad to stay and participate. I am weak I guess, but I just feel so helpless and useless to a point that I need to leave to not feel terrible. IF I were making some kind of difference, then I could manage to stay, but it's not productive and she gets frustrated and more confused...So I let her go back to fantasy land where things are more manageable for her. And I come home to my reality where things are more manageable for me.
Then it went down hill as it always does sooner or later. She started telling me all about what she had been doing and who was coming (the tax man). All of her tales were fabricated and I just went along with them. It's all she has.
I had to leave as we get in this indecisive place of no return and it just hurts too bad to stay and participate. I am weak I guess, but I just feel so helpless and useless to a point that I need to leave to not feel terrible. IF I were making some kind of difference, then I could manage to stay, but it's not productive and she gets frustrated and more confused...So I let her go back to fantasy land where things are more manageable for her. And I come home to my reality where things are more manageable for me.
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