03/13/2013 Wednesday

Called the SNF at 7:00 AM asked Ada to have Dr. L. call me.  He just now called me at 9:45 and I asked him about the request for a liver panel on 2/22 and then again on 2/26. He told me that he wanted to know why and asked the nurses to find out from me. I said they did not ever ask. Another communication breakdown. I asked him “are you just not going to talk to me anymore about the patient? I am the POA”. He said he would and he was, as he just called me. I said only b/c I sent a message for him to do so. I told him that at the time I requested the liver panel she was having pains in her right side and her eyes were not yellow, but grayish and that had he bothered to contact me he would not have ran a USELESS CBC panel, but could have ran the liver panel I wanted.

I have to listen to their hold sales pitch every time I call and I really need to ask them IF the type of care they have administered to my mother would win them the effing award they boast about? I think not.

Called Hospice at 7:45 and asked for Jeanette to call me.  She called me at 9:00 and I asked her about l how they know what is going on and how to appropriately “care/comfort (drug)” her for the stages of death? How is that before your first cup of coffee conversation? She said there will be stages of further deterioration such as: not wanting to be social, lethargic, agitated and confusion, etc. So there will be no blood/diagnostic tests ran anymore. We just wait for her to decline and die. And of course appropriately giving her morphine when the pain of organs shutting down become too much to bear.

I asked her that in her experience how long do people typically live in this state? She said after they totally quit eating (which she is currently at 5-15% /per day now) two weeks is about all it takes to die. Depending on how many “stores” they have and she has little to none. It all began with the Palomar Hospital throwing away her teeth but no one on the face of this earth cares other than family and friends. You can be SURE the asshole that did the actual act of throwing away the teeth has not suffered a single hang nail since. 

Jeanette is aware that I want to get my mom to some decent condition so she can die in peace. She stated that there may be a facility in El Cajon but it has some director Hospice requirement that Lightbridge does not meet.

Hopefully, mom has no idea how fucked up the “system’ is with re: to care for our sick and dying. My husband thinks they might want to get a TRO against me I am so angry.  I just want to be a daughter to my mom on her last dying days and the challenges I have to face in order to get her the best care on a daily basis make it so difficult to do that.

I just left (9:30) the SNF after seeing mom this morning. She is still having trouble with the new teeth. I called the dentist and asked him to visit and adjust the top ones again. She puts them in her pocket b/c she cannot get to a sink by herself and she cannot even use the call button and even if she could she cannot communicate what she wants or needs.  So I tracked the teeth down and they were in the dirty laundry in her pants pocket just like she said. So that means she did not have them for breakfast. Sat, the CAN witnessed her putting them in her pocket the other day so you would think they would be on the lookout for that? NO ONE is paying any attention to her unless I go there every day.  So, as I was leaving I asked the day CNA Ileana to put a note for others to watch for this. She said she would.

Minerva and I spoke away from mom as mom told us both to leave. Why I am not sure. Is this part of her shut down? I filled Minerva in about mom’s condition based on the nurse Jeanette’s information. 

More heartbreak, I just saw her at 4:00, she will not eat the food there. I gave her some blueberry yogurt fomr my stash in the kitchen. If I was not there no one else would have thought to offer that to her.

Then she asked me to talk to Pete about her coming home. That is my deceased dad’s name, she meant Gregg my husband. How do I tell her there is no home to go home to?